


A Chicago Loop

by Jitter, SiriuslySmart



Series: A Chicago Loop [1]
Category: The Dresden Files - All Media Types, The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2383937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jitter/pseuds/Jitter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiriuslySmart/pseuds/SiriuslySmart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry & Elaine catch up after seven years. Post Skin Game</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Chicago Loop

**Author's Note:**

> Co-authored with AskElaine.tumblr.com I wrote Harry's parts and she wrote Elaine's.

Elaine strolled into the pub at eleven thirty that Wednesday morning, and was unsurprised to find it empty except for the old man who had played solitaire at the furthest table from the door every third Wednesday since Elaine could remember.

She approached the bar, and the barman glanced up at her. If he was surprised to see her, Mac didn’t show it. He gave her a nod, said her name, and then turned to get her a beer.

"I’m meeting Harry," she explained, as he turned to hand it for her. Mac made a small grunt, and got another beer.

Elaine thanked him, and, some polite one-sided small-talk, a glance at the slightly-charred Accords sign - there was a story there, and she would bet  _anything_ that Harry was involved - and a promise that this was strictly a friendly visit later, Elaine sat down at one of the twelve empty tables to wait.

She wondered what questions she’d ask first. She wondered what questions he’d answer. Because, Hell’s bells, there were a lot of them, and she was pretty sure any answers would just produce more questions. 

Harry was running late.

The damn boat had broken down in the middle of Lake Michigan and he had to resort to his magic to propel the boat forward. He would have been fine if it was a sail boat but the blasts of wind and force he used to build up momentum so as to move the Water Beetle had left him drenched and cold and grumpy.

He entered McAnally’s dripping but his frown broke when his eyes fell on Elaine. He waved at Mac and walked to the table she was seated, nodding approvingly when he saw the beers.

"Hey." he said, his face breaking into a wide grin.

As the door opened, Elaine looked up from where she had been fiercely contemplating opening the second beer. You know, for its own good. She blinked back her surprise when he saw the figure in the doorway. Seven years might not mean much to a veteran wizard, but Elaine was barely forty, and the changes that time could bring were more than a little noticeable.

The man in the doorway was somehow … more. Not taller - that would have been hard - but more muscular, more hard, more … present, maybe. The old man playing solitaire lifted his eyes nervously when Harry entered the place, and Elaine could understand how he felt.

Then the man smiled and there he was; dripping wet, grinning like an idiot. “Hi, Harry,” she said, and there was a genuine warmth in her voice as she spoke, a response smile on her own face. She gestured for him to sit, pushing his beer towards him as he did so.

He hesitated for a second then pressed a peck on the top of  her hair. “It’s so good to see you, Elaine. I’ve missed you.” he smiled at her as he sat down, popping the beer cap open.

She smiled at his kiss, though didn’t comment beyond that. There was something nice about it. Familiar. Harry would always be Harry.

She bit back the teasing comment that came to mind, and instead said, “I missed you too. What happened to you?” she asked, gesturing at his wet …  everything. 

When she asked about what happened his face pulled in a long frown. “Remember I mentioned I was hard to find? I kinda live on an island in the middle of lake Michigan nowadays. Damn boat decided to break down halfway.”

Harry was starving. All the energy he had thrown around in the past hour had left him exhausted. “Hey, do you mind if we skip the pizza and grab a bite here?”

Elaine listened to Harry’s explanation of his state, keeping her expression neutral. When he asked about food, the twisted in her seat to face the bar. As if by … well, magic … Mac was already turned away from them, slapping two steaks on the grill. “Guess I don’t mind,” Elaine said, grinning as she turned back to face her friend.

She considered him quietly for a few minutes, before she spoke again, in the most casual tone she could muster. “Why are you living on an island in the middle of Lake Michigan, Harry?”

He looked at her, taking in her features, so familiar and well etched into his heart that it hurt. She looked older but then it had been a really long time since he had last seen her and he himself probably looked much, _much_ worse. When she asked about Demonreach he reclined in his seat and took a long, long drink from his bottle.

"Well, long story short, the Reds bombed my office and burned down my building. Then there was this whole inconvenience where I uh died for six or seven months." he rubbed at his forehead before continuing, "And apart from that until fairly recently I had a spirit of intellect growing in my noggin which made it impossible to live anywhere _but_ the island. I was thinking going for house-shopping soon to be honest.”

Elaine sipped at the last of her beer for a long, long moment, taking this in. She knew about the Red Court - or, more accurately, the  _lack_ of the Red Court - of course, but she was still taken aback when Harry mentioned them. She’d heard the rumours, of course, but…

As predicted, Harry’s answer had generated a hell of a lot more questions, but first she had to know. “Was it really you?” she asked quietly. “The Reds?”

Then, even more quietly, her voice barely more than a whisper, “What do you mean, died? What happened?”

Not that she was one to question about false deaths, but still.

"That was me." Harry replied quietly, sadness filling his voice, almost making it break. He took a long, long swig from his beer. "I sacrificed— so much. But I killed them all."

"As for dying…I uhh— I — I killed myself Elaine." he blurted out, his eyes on a burn mark on the table, refusing to look at her in the eyes. He paused, rolling the next words carefully on his tongue before speaking them quietly, "I am Mab’s new Knight now. She— She took care of me. Made sure my body stayed alive. She nursed me back to health and trained me in her own twisted way.

There was a long, long silence at his words. Elaine sat, frozen in place, mulling over everything he’d said.

So the rumours were true. It was all true. He really  _had_ died - been shot, most agreed - and he’d arranged it himself. And for what?

"Mab," she repeated, the word carried on a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. "Hell’s freaking bells. What are you doing getting—" She cut herself off, stemming her anger mid-flow. She knew better than maybe anyone what it was like to get into that position, where you had nowhere else to turn. She knew the temptations that the Sidhe could offer.

Aurora’s face floated into her mind, and Elaine forced it away.

"You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Harry," she said. Her voice was calm, steady, and she looked him straight in the eyes. God, but it was nice to be able to do that. "But I want you to know that I believe that whatever you’ve gotten yourself into, it was for the right reason. Stupid, pigheaded, thoughtless, whatever. I trust you."

She reached across the table and took his hand. A sign of … what? Comfort? No, solidarity. “How did your friends take it?” Then a small laugh. “Sorry, that was a really  _stupid_ question.”

He laughed, “What, my death or me becoming Mab’s bitch?”

Elaine snorted. “No, killing yourself I get. It’s the kind of stupid, gallant move we’ve come to expect from you.”

Her hand around his felt so comforting and warm on his skin and for a moment he lost himself in her eyes, pangs of nostalgia building in his chest. It was easy not to think about her when she was so far away but being this close, actually touching her, brought over an overload of memories. Most of them were good too. He took a deep breath.

"I had my reasons for accepting Mab’s offer. Good reason too. I—" he paused. Should he tell her about Maggie? Once the question wouldn’t even have registered on his mind but after the whole fiasco with Nicodemus in February he wasn’t sure. He decided to keep it vague.  No reason to tell her her name, or that she was a girl, or that she lived here in Chicago. "I have a kid. Everything I did was for my kid."

Elaine was almost certain that the air in the pub around them hadn’t really stopped moving, but it sure felt that way. She stared back at her friend, her ex-lover, her …  _Harry,_ and let his words hit her fully.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Harry," she said, blinking a few times, trying to process it. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but it hadn’t been … definitely not that. A flash of memories from the last time, a woman’s picture, a ring in a box, a haunted look in Harry’s eyes when he’d spoken about her. What had her name been? Sandra? Sarah? Susan? Something like that. The girlfriend that the Reds had…

Oh Christ.

She wasn’t sure what that meant, couldn’t quite make the connection, but it couldn’t be good. She nodded once, twice, not speaking, and then said, “Then you did the right thing. Definitely.”

Harry caught sight of Mac signaling him that their food was ready and with reluctance let go of Elaine’s hand to go and fetch the steaming hot plates. He also made sure to pick up another couple of Mac’s micro-brew. It seemed they would both need them.

When he seated himself again, he took some bites and chewed happily for a while before turning to her, “So. Enough with _my_ news. How have you been doing?”

 _Enough with your news my ass_ , she wanted to say, but instead she nodded, giving her steak and new beer an appreciative smile. She turned around in her seat again to thank the bartender, who grunted in a vaguely approving tone, and turned back to Harry.

It wasn’t as though she didn’t have news. She did. It was how best to phrase that news that was difficult.

She ate a couple of fries, considering, and then said, a small smile on her face, “You know Professor X? I’m him now. Except with more hair, and no wheelchair.”

Yes, that was a good starter.

Harry studied her as he was poking at some side salad. Hot real food. Damn he had missed not having to eat stew all the time. He had also missed eating with a friend. He really should start house-shopping.

"So would that make me Mystique or Magneto in our storyline?" he asked chuckling, his eyes brightening for the first time since he first saw her that day.

"I suppose that depends," Elaine said, in a deliberate exaggerated drawl. "On which kids are telling you their fan theories that day. Did you know they made new X-Men movies recently?" She grinned, and added, "Probably Mystique though. Obviously."

"Oddly enough I’ve watched them." he said smiling, "My former apprentice has a good deal going with the Svartalves which means we get to use _some_ of their tech.” His eyes flickered, excited. “Light bulbs, Elaine. I get to be around _light bulbs._ " he laughed, "So what are you up to? Have you founded ‘ _Professor Mallory’s School for Gifted Youngsters’_? _”_

She lifted her sandwich, contemplated it, and took a bite. She chewed and considered his question for a few more minutes, and then said, “Well, you know how we got the Paranet started. I’ve got people all over who help maintain it now, like your Dr. Butters, though I find it kind of difficult to keep in contact what with how often I’m moving around and how I can’t use a cell. So I sort of wander the country, gathering the loose talents, you know, introducing them to this support system.”

She paused, popping open her beer before continuing. “But sometimes the kids I find  _aren’t_ just minor talents, you know? They’re fifteen, sixteen, coming into their powers for the first time, ready to do something stupid and dangerous without knowing what they’re doing or being able to control it.”

She took a long, long drink then, not meeting Harry’s eyes, the rush of memories hitting her. She wasn’t surprised to feel the tears prickling at her eyes as she spoke again, though none fell. “I can’t let that happen, Harry. I won’t. So I help them control themselves before your Council gets wind of it and sentences them to a death sentence. Or a life sentence with them. State of the world right now, I’m not sure which would be worse.”

She was unabashed by her admission. Harry could say what he liked about the Council being a force for good, but she knew for damn certain she was doing the right thing.

He gobbled up his food as he listened to her talking, growing more and more impressed at what she had done, how she was _helping_ , doing good in the world while he was off being— well being the monster, he guessed. Perhaps she was right, he _was_ the Mystique of their story. He exhaled deeply, using a piece of bread to wipe off some sauce from his plate and looked at her.

 _God_ , how easy it was to slip back to being around her presence. Elaine was…— He thought about her at times and it felt warm and nice and good. She was always there in his mind, somewhere - just being there in a teeny tiny corner. He always forgot what she did to him because she was always there. His first love, his first— _everything_.  
  
But now that she was close again and he saw her eyes and remembered the feel of her hair on his lips, smelled her subtle perfume…It was magic. He could not describe it any way else. It felt like slipping into an old pair of shoes. A pair that had been so loved and worn so often you don’t even notice when you put it on. It made his heart ache. He reached for her hand again.

"I think what you are doing is noble. Hell, I wish there had been _someone_ to do this for us. The council… I am not even sure about the Council. There has been corruption. Corruption that goes way further than sword-happy Wardens that take heads off kids for fun. Perhaps keeping those kids away right now is the best thing you could have done.”

She accepted the return of his hand without complaint or comment, but raised her eyebrows slightly as he began to talk about corruption in the Council. She’d known things were bad, but … well, when it came to the White Council, Harry had always had a firm opinion: they were assholes, but not one hundred percent dicks. Or something like that. It had always been a sticking point for them. And now?

She met his eyes again, and for a moment was transported back, back to the last time she’d seen the boy who had been her lover, before he’d become the man who saved lives. The fear, the uncertainty, the raw power, the lack of any sort of goodbye.

Then Justin was dead.

And then Aurora. Sure, the Summer Lady had turned out pretty much certifiably batshit crazy, but damned if she hadn’t cared for Elaine, hadn’t loved her, hadn’t helped her. And Elaine had run away with the faeries - literally - and saved herself, while Harry had learned and fought and lived, even under the Doom of Damocles. He’d trusted the Council even when they’d threatened to kill him, a little boy, and for what?

And now?

Now Elaine was in a position of authority over all these magical kids, while Harry lived on a spooky island where, apparently, he’d ran away with the other side of the faeries, because her Harry had never done anything by half.

Working for faeries, leaving Chicago - sort of, questioning the Council,  _supporting_ hiding new talent. Why would he have changed so …

_"If we have a kid, let’s call her Lillian."_

_"Fine, but if it’s a boy he’ll be Malcolm."_

_"A boy and a girl then."_

_"And we’ll never leave them, will we, Elaine?"_

_"Never ever."_

Elaine found herself smiling, a not-quite-sad smile to go with the not-quite sad burst of memory, from so long ago. “How old?” she asked, barely more than a murmur. “The kid. Are they showing talent yet? Are they somewhere safe?”

Because Winter or no Winter, island or no island, Harry was Harry, and his motivations had never been that hard to figure out. Not for Elaine.

He noticed her sad smile when she asked and a flash of memory from another lifetime ago flooded his mind. In bed, in each others arms, whispering sweet nothings in the dead of night about a future they hoped they’d have together. Before Justin, before the Doom of Damocles, before the Sidhe. Damn, this was Elaine.  _His_ Elaine. He shouldn’t have to hide things from her.

He used a tiny bit of Will and sent his thoughts at her as they did when they were children and wanted to chat in class.

_Her name is Maggie. She will be eleven soon. She has a home. An honest to God family. And I get to visit her often and she’s happy, Elaine. God, my kid is happy._

He smiled at her then spoke out-loud, “No magic yet though.”

A couple of tears fell then, barely noticed, as Elaine heard his voice in her head, sounding  _happy,_ for the first time in literal decades. She almost absently wiped her eyes, and felt a true smile appear on her face.

 _Of course she’s Maggie,_ she thought back, after taking a moment to remember how to hold the connection.  _Of course she is. You’d better keep an eye on her, Harry. Creepy island is no place for an eleven year old._

_Don’t worry she’s not living on the island. And she has my dog with her, remember Mouse?_

Her eyes sparkled then, and her smile turned almost … mischievous. “After all. Remember when  _we_ were eleven?” she said, grinning. 

"Aw man, I do." he said laughing, "I hated your guts, you and your girly germy germs."

He extended his hand and wiped a tear that had rolled on her cheek with his thumb. “Hey, now, this is a happy gathering, don’t go mopey on me!”

_I don’t think it would be possible to forget Mouse, even if I wanted to. That’s some bodyguard. Way to go, dad._

Heh. Now that would take some getting used to. She wanted to ask more, to know more about this child, but it didn’t feel like the right time to make it a press interview.

"I can’t believe  _you_ are accusing  _me_ of being mopey, Mr. Harry ‘Don’t Tell Anyone I Went Through A Black-Clothes-Only Phase At Thirteen’ Dresden,” she shot back, sticking out her tongue, a gesture which made her feel years younger than she’d done in a long time.

"Hey, I never said I got out of my Black-Clothes-Only Phase." he joked, mimicking her, blowing a raspberry at her, looking down at his black Queen t-shirt and black jeans and combat boots. He then took a swig from his beer.

When silence happened, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Sort of like old married couples that are perfectly happy of doings things on their own but still want the other’s presence in the room. Could he have had that life with Elaine had Justin not taken care of fucking their future up for them.

She ate the last of her sandwich enjoying the comfortable silence, and then gave a small frown. “How’s Maeve treating you? I only met her once. I … don’t envy you.”

“ _Maeve?_ " Harry choked when she asked, "Just how much out of the loop have you been Elaine?"

Elaine blinked, taken aback by his exclamation. “You know that most people, even wizards, aren’t tuned in to current affairs in Faerie, right? Yes,  _Maeve._ The Winter Lady. She has been that since before our great grandfathers were twinkles in  _their_ father’s eyes, and—”

She stopped, put down her bottle, and sighed.

"Harry , tell me you didn’t find yourself killing another Faerie Queen. Please tell me that. Tell you you haven’t fucked up centuries of sameness, again."

If he had, she knew there would have bee a good reason, but god _damn._ Sometimes it felt like the world had been plodding along quietly, waiting on Harry Dresden to come along and rearrange everything … and there was Elaine, on the outskirts, helping out some kids and apparently missing the job transfer of the century.

Harry groaned and rubbed his hands on his face. “Yeah… you know, the thing is—You know me. You know how things generally go when I am involved in the grand scheme of things…” he tried to find a gentle way to convey this information to her. There _wasn’t_.

"There are two new Fairy Queens in town. Lily is dead. Maeve killed her. But _I_ didn’t kill Maeve. Still somehow I got the credit for it.” he grumbled finishing up his second beer. “Believe it or not it was Mab’s first assignment for the shiny, new Winter Knight. Murphy was the one who pulled the trigger though. Literally.” he pointed at his empty bottle, “Another beer? Something stronger?”

Elaine stared at him, mouth hanging open a little, and drained her own beer. She looked at the empty bottles for a long, long time, before saying quietly, “It’s not even one yet. No more beer. If you want another drink, get some water.”

And Mab had ordered it.  _Mab._ Why … no, she didn’t want to know. And  _Lily,_ too? Hell’s fucking bells, Lily had only been  _in_ the position for, what, a decade? She sighed. It was almost comforting to know that it wasn’t only  _her_ world that was so fucked up. The Nevernever was going the same way.

"Murphy? The cop?" she asked, searching back in her memories. "You’re telling me a human cop killed a Queen of Faerie. With a gun."

She had meant it to sound disbelieving, but somehow it came out more impressed.

"Ex-cop now." he said his lips pressed in a thin line again. "But yep. Murph has been quite the rock for me. She has been through a lot of shit, always supporting me, never saying a word. But she kinda had the okay from Mab as well…I mean… Maeve had Murphy trapped in ice and Mab broke her bonds…" _and she had shot a Queen of Faerie to save his sorry ass. Again._

Elaine considered this, then nodded. She could accept that. “It’s not that surprising, I suppose,” she said, lightly. “Your, ah, old-fashioned values aside, you’ve surrounded yourself with badass women since you were about eleven years old.” She flashed him a grin then, and finished off her fries

"Speaking of my Old-fashioned values," he said grinning "I’ve already paid for lunch and beers." he knew that would probably annoyed her since she’d had said she’d buy the first round but Harry was secure financially for the first time in his life and he wanted to do nice things for people he loved. Ok, that was a lie, he would have paid for it even if he was broke. It was who he was. He couldn’t help it.

At the announcement about payment, Elaine glanced round in her seat to give the bartender a look. Mac responded with nothing except a small shrug and half a smile, and Elaine rolled her eyes. Honestly.

She started hinking of everything she’d been told so far, and of the women in question. There’d been herself, of course, and the woman who hadn’t been his fiancée, whose name she still wasn’t certain of. He’d had that apprentice, whose potential had come off of her in blazes, and his cop. Ex-cop. Who’d successfully killed a Sidhe ruler. With a gun.

"Are you and she…?" she asked, waving one hand in the universal gesture for either  _together_ or  _fucking,_ depending on who was reading it.

He grinned back at her as she finished her food, freezing for a moment when she asked about Karrin.

"We uhh, we are talking things out. Which is good. She has been through a lot in the past few months. She— She is banged up pretty badly." _Again from trying to save_ him. “She has been going through physio since early March. We’ve kissed. We — uhh agreed we both want to be together but none of us has had time to do so, so far.” he let out a long sigh. “Mab has been working me to a pulp lately. Some sort of supernatural nation shindig is about to go down soon and I’ve been playing ambassador all over the world.” he paused, peeling the label off his beer bottle, “When I am available she has physio, when she is available, Mab is running me around.”

She smiled as he talked about Murphy, enjoying the cautious optimism she could hear in his tone. It took her a moment to sort out her own feelings, but beneath the initial instinctual frisson of surprise, the echo of an old possessiveness, there was a genuine pleasure there. She raised her eyebrows slightly as he spoke about the, ah, shindig, but said nothing. The less she knew, the better. 

So Harry and the cop, huh? Well, it had been bound to happen. Murphy’s name had come up in the few conversations she’d managed to have with Dr. Butters, back when Harry was missing in action and the Paranet was needed more than ever, back before she’d become nigh on impossible to get a hold of. There had never been anything said about the possibility of their relationship, of course, but the way Murphy’s ruthless determination in her replacement leader role had reached Elaine’s ears …

Well. It had sounded familiar.

A fierce approval went through her, unexpected, unbidden. She didn’t really know this woman personally, but she’d been watching Harry’s back all these years, and she could clearly hold her own. It had been many, many years since she’d been anything remotely close to “Harry Dresden’s girlfriend”, but, well,  _that_ was a mantle that couldn’t be taken up lightly.

"Harry," she said finally, her voice oddly thick. "I’m saying this as someone who loves you. Do not fuck this up." She didn’t smile, but her eyes glittered a little as she said, "Maybe start by letting her pay for dinner sometimes."

He laughed at that and rejoiced at her approval. He was afraid that she might get jealous but, not Elaine, not his wonderful, glorious Elaine. He squeezed her hand.

"Yeah…we’re past that." he grinned when she suggested letting Karrin pay for dinner. "I kinda slipped her one million dollar worth of diamonds after a job when she wasn’t looking. She chewed my ear for a month then accepted it." his lips pressed firmly together, "And it was that job that wrecked her too…"

He looked so happy. It warmed her heart to see him like that. He’d never looked so radiant, except for during one or two stolen moments, back then. It felt a little … sad, but not quite. Bittersweet, maybe. She wondered if she’d have been able to make him happy like that, if things had been different. If they’d both escaped Justin.

Well, they hadn’t, had they? And that was that. Part of her would always be in love with Harry Dresden, but neither of them was sixteen anymore. They’d needed each other, then, and if they’d have stayed together they would have needed each other now.

And love wasn’t about need. Not the kind that makes you happy.

Elaine had learned that the hard way, but by god had she learned it.

She nodded slowly as he spoke about the job, and said, “Do you want to tell me?”

And Harry did. It took him the better part of three hours and several glasses of Mac’s lemonade to even manage to condense the story to a mere summary. There had been so many things that happened and it had all happened so fast that he hadn’t even taken notice of it. He left out some of the more sensitive stuff, things that Elaine was better off not knowing, things that Mab wouldn’t want him to share.

By the time he finished, the light coming in from outside had taken that warm afternoon glow that only happens on lazy summer days and the sun paints everything gold. Chewing some of the leftover ice from his lemonade he leaned back in his seat and rubbed his palms on his face. “I think I’ll  need another beer.”

Elaine got to her feet immediately, in somewhat of a daze. She walked to the bar, and Mac gave her a look which could almost be construed as sympathetic as he handed her two bottles - which she made a point of paying for. She walked back to her seat, silently offered Harry one of the bottles and took a drink out of her own.

She continued to stare at him, not knowing what to say, not knowing where to start.

And then the laughter started. Huge peals of laughter, the kind of laughter that can’t be stopped once it begins, the kind that has your eyes streaming with tears within moments. She knew this wasn’t how she should be reacting, but …

"You … " she gasped, "With _angels_ … god almighty, Harry … pun  _very much_ intended.”

He started laughing as well, he’d always loved listening to her laughing and it was so contagious after talking so seriously without interruption for three hours. Tears welling from his eyes from laughing this hard he tried speaking,

"No shit." he  said hysterically, "And the lord of the Underworld …hahahaha… has a dog named _Spot._ ”

Elaine slapped her hand on the table, one hand curled around her ribs. It hurt to laugh so much, but there  was no stopping now. “Oh,” she wheezed, “Because you’re … haha …  _so_ good at naming pets.”

She tried to take a drink, and snorted halfway through, causing it to dribble down her chin, which of course only made her laugh harder. She grabbed a napkin, wiping her face, and said, “And the Knights of the … heh … Cross are an agnostic Russian and … pfft … a Jewish … Jedi … “

It took a good five minutes before she was able to speak again after that. Solitaire man was gone, but the three other customers who had arrived at some point were eyeing them warily. Elaine ignored them.

"How … Hell’s bells, Harry, you’re like a  _magnet_ for this shit.”

He wiped his eyes, fits of giggles still bubbling up his throat. “I am, aren’t I?” he said, popping his beer open and taking a long swig, managing to swallow before laughter caught him again.

"It’s so absurd…my life. It’s like the powers that be just sit around a table, think about the worst possible way things can go then make it worse and toss it at me."

Elaine smiled, but tapped the side of her bottle thoughtfully before speaking again. “It’s not so bad, really. I mean, sure, you could do with less death and destruction, but the powers that be have dealt you a few aces along with the bad cards. I mean, you’ve got Mouse. Murphy.”

She paused, and added silently _, ‘Maggie.’_

 _“_ And me,” she said, almost as an afterthought. “You can’t seem to get rid of me.”

Another laugh, though quieter and nowhere near as hysterical, conveying a different sort of emotion than before. “My life’s not  _quite_ as dangerous as yours, and it’s certainly not as … epic, but … you reap what you sow, even if it doesn’t seem like that at the time. You’re a good man, Harry.”

Elaine thought of the few people who  _she’d_ managed to keep in her life, and quickly waved those thoughts away. No. No time for that now.

It might have been the beers or the fact that so much laughter, laughter that makes your tummy ache, usually is followed by heart to heart conversations, when you are with people who care, but Harry teared up a little.

 _'_ _You are a good man_ _'_ she  had said. A good man.

He hardly felt like he was that anymore. Not after some things he had done or thought about doing. He gave her cheek a small caress and noticed a dark shadow crossing over her features.

"Hey, what’s wrong?" he asked, "You seemed quite upset for a moment."

Elaine touched his hand as he caressed her cheek, and gave a small smile which turned into a frown as he asked her the question. Abruptly, she got to her feet, and said, “Do you want to go for a walk?”

Before he could answer, she had nodded to Mac and left, waiting for him to catch up. When he inevitably did, before he could ask any questions, she said, “I had a partner once. Like your Murphy, I guess. The real Magneto to my Professor X, except without the whole ‘decades of evil thing’. And with the whole ‘but Elaine have you seen the sexual tension in the new movies?’ thing, just to be clear.”  _Had._

Harry shortened his stride so as to stay on track with her, feeling quite vulnerable in the hot Chicago afternoon without his duster so he kept glancing around as she spoke.

Paranoia. Demon, Face. You know it.

He frowned when she mentioned a partner, mainly because she had never mentioned anything to him before, but the again it had been almost eight years since the last time he had seen her.

God, eight years.

Elaine looked up at his face, smiling slightly at his expression. “We were together for five years. We met not long after the last time I saw you, actually,” she told him, with a snort. “I don’t stop existing when I’m not by your side, Harry.”

"Your partner, what happened?"

It was her turn to frown, as she debated what to tell him. “My partner died,” she said finally, looking away at the people passing on the other side of the road. “We went in to do what we always do, pick up some kid … but it wasn’t as straightforward as it looked. Usually, those servitor things aren’t a  _huge_ threat, you know, but it doesn’t matter how much magic a person has. If they’re unprepared, a bullet to the back can kill them just as dead as anyone else. And just as in front of me.”

Her eyes were dry, but there was a dull feeling in the pit of her stomach as she remembered. She hesitated before adding the next part, but, God, it was  _Harry._ She trusted him not to overreact, or act stupid. Bad stupid, at least. Most of the time. The point was, unlike most people she knew, she trusted him.

"I loved her," she said, very, very quietly. "And she’s gone. It was my fault."

He stopped dead in his tracks at her words. He tried to speak to say something comforting but words failed him, words simply didn’t form in his mind and he just pulled her in his arms and held her firmly and really close. After a moment he could speak again.

"I am so sorry for your loss." he said as he pressed a kiss on her hair and let his forehead rest against hers. She said it was her fault. He didn’t believe that. Didn’t want to believe that, it’s never your fault unless you pull a knife and cut the throat of the woman you love— _shut up Harry, this is not about you._

"What was her name?" he asked softly.

Elaine stiffened as he held her, but soon relaxed onto the embrace, winding her own arms around him, and to hell with the gawkers. “Lena. Elena, really, but nobody called her that” she told him, the words coming out as a quiet prayer, like it always did. It hurt to say her name. It hurt to remember. “She was my … I mean, I’d never … ” She shook her head, and gave a tiny smile. “She loved how close our names were. Elaine and Elena. It was fate, she said. She was Italian. She swore in Italian when she got overwhelmed, which was often. We met on a case, and, well … “

The smile faded. “You don’t believe me,” she stated. “That it was my fault. But it was, Harry. It was.”

Because it had been, and she needed someone to know that. She needed to confess.

"I was supposed to be covering her back," she said, pulling away from Harry as much as she could without breaking contact. Her shields were terrible, so I was there to do it … but I wanted her to  _learn._ So I took it down, when I thought things were quiet, and I said she’d have to … “

At last, the tears came, as it flashed before her mind. The irritated expression on Lena’s face, ruined slightly by the sparkle in her eyes. The servitor coming from nowhere. Not being close enough to react. The gun. The blood. The light fading.

“ _Dammit,”_ Elaine muttered, mostly to herself, almost forgetting Harry was there. “Dammit, I could have stopped it. I’m as bad as  _he_ was.”

Her trials by fire with Justin had clearly been a teaching technique she’d inherited. And now Lena was dead. And it was her fault.

"You are nothing like Justin. You— No Elaine, you could have never known that would have happened."

He held her close stroking her hair, his mind inevitably wandering off to Susan.

Justin had broken them both. There was no doubt about it. It does not take much to turn a vulnerable teen into a paranoid cynic. Elaine had been reckless and her lover had died because of it… He… He had been a cold bastard who had manipulated the mother of his child to turn into a rampire and then sacrificed her to end a war. _Hell’s Bells._ Hell’s _Fucking_ Bells.

It was too late when he realized he had left their mind connection open and his last thoughts had all passed straight to Elaine’s mind.

She didn’t mean to, didn’t intend to, but Elaine reacted by pushing away, staring up at her friend, her ex-lover, her partner through so much, with little short of horror. Then came the awe, and then another emotion, one she didn’t remember feeling toward this man before.

Fear.

"So it _was_ you,” she said, her voice strained. The Red Court. And _that_ had been the cost. That. Her. Susan.

And what had been the result? The factions had moved in, and the Fomor, and oh  _god_ the death, the pain, the  _children._

Lena.

He’d killed them - not one, not a hundred, but  _all_ of them, every last Red Court vampire, with one knife and one sacrificial lover. And she knew, without asking, without needing to ask, that he’d damn well do it again.

It was terrifying. It was awe-inspiring.

It was Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden, Warden of the White Council, Knight of the Winter Court of the Sidhe.

That man was enough to make Elaine back up a few steps, wanting to run, wanting to hide, wanting to get away from this representation of power, of such magnitude, a strength that she didn’t even think he understood.

She was pushing him away she was— That _look_ on her face. _Elaine_ flinching away from him. The fear. The horror in her eyes.

_Oh God._

Flashbacks of Maggie in Chitzen Itza flinching away from him when all he wanted was to comfort her. Andi, scared on the floor of her home after he beat her up. Karrin telling him that the blood and carnage over Demonreach had turned him on and he hadn’t even realised. Butters accusing him of being on a level with the Sidhe.

_Oh God._

Michael could say he wasn’t a monster all he wanted. Michael didn’t know the half of it. Those looks of fear, his _friends_ flinching away from him. No. Those were reactions to a monster.

But then she met his eyes.

Once a soulgaze has happened, it cannot happen again, but that does not mean the eyes have no power. Reflected in them, she saw the pain, the fear, the regret - everything she was feeling, etched there permanently, and it sent an ache through her soul.

And she stopped.

He might have been all those things, all of those titles, but those weren’t him. Because as well as all of that, he was  _Harry._ A friend. A lover. A father.

Hesitantly, she took a few steps back toward him, raising a hand to touch his cheek. “Oh, Harry,” she breathed. What else could she say?

When she touched his cheek his knees buckled and he slumped on the pavement, burying his face into his hands.

Elaine stood for a moment, thankful that the streets were quiet. They were attracting a few strange looks, but not many. They were only a little away from a pub, they were intimidating looking people, and, hell, this was Chicago. Nobody stopped. Nobody asked.

Elaine crouched down, ready to conjure some words of comfort, ready to reassure, to show she knew and understood - when suddenly, a different emotion filled her. She waved a hand impatiently, creating a veil of sound around them, a trick she had learned from her second lover at Court. They could still be seen, but their conversation was between them.

"Harry," she hissed, in a tight, angry voice. Anger at what, she wasn’t certain, but it was the kind of unholy, righteous, rage that she had only felt a couple of times in her life - once, when Justin betrayed her, and once when Aurora did, and once more when Lena died. "Get the fuck up off of the ground and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

She was taken aback by the harshness of her own words, but not enough to stop. “Listen to me,” she continued, keeping her voice low. “Listen. Susan is dead. She’s  _dead,_ Harry, and crying about it in the street in the middle of Chicago isn’t going to change it. You did what you did. I did what I did. They’re dead, and, hell, we could have stopped it. Both of us could have stopped them from dying.”

A pause. A breath.

"But Lena died for nothing. Susan did not. You got rid of a bunch of murdering, child-killing, monsters, and you paid a high price, but dammit, Harry, I don’t believe for a _second_ you made her climb up on that table. You did it because you had to.”

A realisation, then, a connection of dots, and Elaine felt even more angry, even more sure she was right.

"You did it for _Maggie,_ didn’t you?” She didn’t wait for confirmation. “To save a child. _Your_ child. Don’t you  _dare_ tell me that’s not a good enough reason to blow up the world and to hell with everyone else. Not me. Don’t you fucking dare.”

She put a hand on his shoulder, her anger fading, settling back into sadness. “There aren’t any monsters out there that I know who would do that.”

A small sob escaped her then, half a laugh. He’d certainly trumped her story about Lena. What an arrogant, blind man he could be.

Harry blinked. Her words were oddly sobering. Kind of like a bucket of ice being dumped on your head when you are feeling sleepy and foggy and are suddenly wide awake.

"I’m sorry." he sniffled, "I’m sorry, Elaine. I—" he placed a hand on his knee standing up and then helped her up as well. "I am so sorry for your loss."

He caught her hand that was still on his shoulder and squeezed it. “Thank you. For what you said to me, I needed a good dose of reality. Hell’s Bells our lives are so fucked up.”

Elaine snorted, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. “I wonder how that happened,” she said, “When we both had such steady starts in life.”

She kept her hand in his, and reached up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “You’re an asshole, Harry,” she said, in a way that showed that the comment wasn’t truly meant as an insult. She squeezed his hand back, lowering the sound veil - no point in wasting her energy; knowing them, there would be a demon eating their faces or something next. “Lena would have liked you.”

"That I am." he nodded solemnly, in a rare display of modesty. "And I’m sure I would have liked Lena too."

She thought about it, and laughed. “No,” she said, “Lena would have  _hated_ you. She never liked men that I … well, you know. She was the jealous type.” She glanced down at their joined hands as they walked, in no particular direction. A grin, and a playful spark was in her eyes again. “I hope your girlfriend isn’t.”

She wondered if he used that word about Karrin Murphy, and then decided she didn’t care. He damn well  _should._ He needed to face these things, and he’d been terrible at it since childhood.

He choked a bit when she called Karrin his girlfriend and managed to turn it into a cough.

"She uhh- I don’t know if I can call her my _girlfriend._ " he said looking  at his shoes as they walked, "I mean, beyond the part that we still need to talk things through and all, I am not sure if she would even _like_ that term. And to be honest, I’m willing to spend my life with her, you know? Never really had that thought about anyone since—” _you._ He almost said.

He had proposed to Susan but  that was more a desperate attempt to keep her close, not let her slip through his fingers. He had loved Susan, he had loved her so much. But seeing as they were both stubborn as mules and young and still impossibly naive despite everything, he doubted it would have worked eventually.

"But I’m afraid to tell her that. I— She’s been married twice in the past, both times ended badly."

"Stars and stones, Harry, what exactly do you need to talk through? Have you finally found someone who makes things as needless complicated as you do?" She snorted. "Fine, then. Your friend who you are romantically involved with exclusively but who is not your girlfriend in any way, shape, or form."

Her teasing tone faded as she listened to his explanation. It wasn’t hard to complete the cut-off sentence, but she didn’t say anything, let him explain what the worry really was.

"I think about us," she said, after a silence. "What could have happened. How different things would have been if, well, things had been different. I think we could have made it."

She looked at the ground, thinking through her next words. “But we didn’t, and we’re not those kids anymore. We had each other’s backs, and then we didn’t. I don’t know the exact details of what happened to you after Justin, but I was adopted by faeries, and let me tell you, that’s a good way for a kid to learn to watch out for herself. Even,” she grinned, “In Summer.”

She paused, trying to bring it back to the point. “We fell in love over six years, Harry, and it’s left us with a friendship and a different kind of love that won’t ever vanish, even when we’re literally centuries old. You’ve known Karrin for, what, nearly two decades now? I think that’s plenty of time to gather up the nuts to say ‘I’m in love with you’.”

She glanced up at him. “Which you are.”

"I sometimes think about us as well." he said quietly, "And I still love you—not romantically." he added swiftly and blushed. He watched the calming rhythm of their shoes as they walked for sometime before speaking again.

"I was brought in front of the council, you knew that no? They— I was— Well I got out on probation, to put it simply. And went to live with McCoy. He was not gentle but he was not Justin either. And he was a damn fine teacher. But I was already in deep shit with Winter before that."

He stopped trying to find the words to phrase things exactly as he wanted. “Loving someone after— Jesus, Elaine I thought you had betrayed me. I thought that for six close to seven years. My world collapsed and I couldn’t even be angry at you because I thought you were dead . Loving someone did not come easy.”

Elaine pursed her lips together, frowning. “I don’t know how you could have seriously thought that I—” She stopped, shook her head, held up a hand to stop that line of conversation before it started. No use opening those old wounds.

His thoughts wandered to Susan again, “I know the power of those three words. I will tell her. When I see her I will. But I don’t know how she will take it or if she can love me back as broken as I am. I’m… I’m damaged goods.”

She sighed. “Broken,” she repeated. “You don’t know if she can love you back because you’re  _damaged goods._ Christ, Harry, she already loves you. You’ve known her for nearly twenty years. She’s known _you._  Why do you have to—”

Another stop. Another aborted conversation. Everything was suddenly too close, too agitating. She stopped still in her tracks, dropping his hand, taking a breath. Calm. Calm. Not here. Not now. Not—

_Why won’t they talk to me?_

_You’re broken, Elaine. I can teach you how to rise above them._

_What’s happening, Aurora?_

_You’re broken, child. I can fix you. Stay with me._

_Why did they have to die? Why couldn’t I save them?_

_Useless. Helpless. Broken._

"Just _stop it_!” she half-yelled, louder than she’d meant to, not sure who she was talking to, not sure of anything, lost in the sudden torrent of memories.

If people hadn’t been staring before, they were now.

Harry startled when Elaine yelled. She studied her face and his mouth formed a thin line. He was all too familiar with voices in his head driving him nuts. He planted his feet firmly and place his hands on Elaine’s shoulders.

"You know what?" he said, his voice cold, looking over her head, "You are right. And I’m about done. I’m DONE apologizing for saving people. I’m done feeling guilty for things I couldn’t even begin preventing." he pulled her close and hugged her tight for a moment before pushing her at arms length again to look at her, "And you know what? _We_ are fucking awesome. Cause we’ve been through that shit and we’re still here, still alive and sane, to an extend. Now help me find a phone.” he grinned at her, “I need to make a call.”

It took Elaine a few minutes longer than usual to start the breathing technique she’d learned as a child, but soon she was calming, and was able to catch most of Harry’s words.

"Fucking awesome," she said, weakly. "That’s us, alright."

At the mention of a phone, she looked up. “You sure?” she said. “I didn’t mean to push.”

"I’m sure." he nodded. "And I’m glad you did, even if you pushed me. You know me, Elaine. Most of the times I need some batting around the head."

As it turned out payphones were no longer a species in Chicagoland. The sun was setting when they did find one by a small park but it was heavily battered, the glass on the screen broken and with a piece of gum stuck to the coin slot.

Harry flopped on a bench letting his long limbs stretch on the cracked pavement.

"Maybe I should get over to her house. Perhaps tonight too, since I’m in town and there’s no sign of assignment from Mab so far." he pondered. "How long will you be in town?"

Elaine sat down next to him, slightly let down by the universe and its lack of a perfect resolution to their phone search. “I’m not sure,” she admitted. “My car’s still outside Mac’s, but that’s about all the arrangement I’ve got so far. I’ll need to find a room or something. I’ll stay a few days, maybe. A week or two at most. I don’t often stay in one place for longer than that.”

She punched his arm, lightly. “Chicago’s not my town, Harry. I only dragged myself here to see you. And drink Mac’s beer.”

"I know, I know." he nodded, "I could teach you to find the Ways to Chicago." he said simply. He hadn’t offered anyone that before, not that he’d had the chance of course but it was not a suggestion he’d make lightly either. "They shouldn’t be that bad, most of them cross through Faerie but we’re kind of insiders now." he shrugged, "I need a friend like you close, Elaine."

Elaine gave him  steady look, considering his offer, and the implications of his offer. “I’m not an insider,” she said, carefully. “I’m out. I’m not … I mean, even my Faerie credentials, the few that are left, are all tied up with Summer. I don’t know if your boss would be thrilled with that.”

"I’d … I’d like to be close again, Harry. It’s been a long time since … well, ‘regular basis’ isn’t actually in my vocabulary anymore. Not since Lena, and not before her. Not since Aurora."

It was true, though. The idea of having something solid again, a friend, uncomplicated, someone who knew everything …

She wanted that. But it wasn’t an offer  _she_ made lightly, either.

Harry sighed.

 ”I think this is the part when I mention that one of my bosses now is my former apprentice.” he said carefully. It hadn’t come up when she had asked about Maeve and it hadn’t really been mentioned when he told her about the heist either. “So unless Mab has an issue with you passing through Winter, which I doubt she will even care about, as you are not tied to Summer anymore, I think you’ll be good.”

Elaine stared across the street as he spoke, carefully keeping her expression neutral, not outwardly reacting to the newest revelation. Hell’s bells, his  _apprentice_ was the Winter Lady? That was … it was so  _Harry._ She pursed her lips, deciding not to mention it, not to talk about it. Not yet.

A light shudder went through her as he mentioned Mab’s name. She had never met the ruling monarch of Winter, but the residual feeling from the time she had half-glimpsed Titania, from the time when she had felt the Winter from Maeve. Both of those things, combined into one and mixed with the left over whispering at Court about Winter, were enough to shake her balance.

He did notice her tensing when he mentioned Mab. He was so used to her presence and the Sidhe by now that he forgot what effect it could have on people. And a thought hit him at that moment, so terrifying that he didn’t dare share it with Elaine. She had her share of experience with the Sidhe. She had spent ten years in Summer… Had she been around when Aurora died instead of Lily…

_No. Don’t go there Harry._

He let her have her quiet moment, sure that the same thought would probably have crossed Elaine’s mind as well. And it was _terrifying_.

He rubbed the back of his neck and reclined further back on the bench, staring at Chicago’s night sky. There were no stars, the lights from the big city made sure of that. “I have made some solid friendships over the years but I don’t think anyone could even begin to understand what we’ve been through since Justin—” he stopped for a moment.

"You were my first _everything._ Even now after all these years I don’t think anyone will ever know me like you do. No one has seen me as weak, as clueless, as helpless as you have. Everyone else around me has only ever known Wizard Dresden. You got to know simply Harry too. And I think I am up to a point right now where I need that in my life. A friend.”

She considered quietly for a few moments, and then said, “I’m your friend, Harry. I’ll be here if you need me. And if I need you.”

She rested her head on his shoulder for a moment, a small gesture of physical expression that she hopes was enough to express how she was feeling. “Besides, if you’re going to talk to your cop, I want to hear about the aftermath.”

"Thank you." he smiled and leaned his head to touch hers on his shoulder, the contact heartwarming and familiar. His grin broadened when she spoke again."I’ll walk you to your car, then I’ll go find Karrin. If that is okay with you."

Elaine nodded, and got to her feet. When Harry stood, she stood on her toes and gently touched her lips to his. It wasn’t a romantic kiss; there was nothing untoward behind it. It was simply an acknowledgement, a chaste little kiss signifying their renewed friendship, wishing him luck, binding them together again.

To say he was surprised when Elaine kissed him, even as chastely as she did, would be an understatement. Memories flooded his mind, memories he pushed back. It would be too easy to get lost in such a walk down memory lane.

It was a gesture that seemed natural, although on casual reflection was probably one of those leftover mannerisms that made her uncomfortable to think about. She did as any healthy person would do in that scenario, and completely ignored it, pushing the feeling to the back of her head.

She gave him a smile. and linked her arm through his. “Well, let’s get going then. Time’s a-wasting, and I’m not giving you time to talk yourself out of this. I  _think_ I’m sober enough to drive again.”

They walked to Mac’s  where Elaine’s car was parked and he leaned on it, resting his elbows on the top.

"Mac must have a phone," he said softly as she unlocked the door, "but at this point I think it would be better if I just went there…Right?"

"Harry," Elaine said, sliding into the driver’s seat. "Go. Do the romantic declaration thing. Be dramatic in a way that doesn’t involve things blowing up for once. I’ll meet you here in a couple of days, alright? We can … sort out … whatever comes next, then."

She fastened her seatbelt, and reached over to the door. “Good luck, Harry,” she said, before closing the door. She gave him a smile through the window as she started up the engine, and a small wave.

  
  



End file.
